Some days I wake up with so much pain in my heart that I think surely it will break. When I think of the words of Kahlil Gibran, "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain," I think that I am being prepared for oceans and oceans of joy. Other days, I wake up and realize what a wondrous place I am in! A place where my spirit is being guided to the right people and the right places for me to move forward boldly and with love on my journey.
Last night I was lamenting the fact that I feel lonely so often and sometimes wished I could be back home with everyone else. My beloved C quickly pointed out, "You were miserable here. It was time for you to go. You just need to learn the lessons you're supposed to learn there so we can move on with our lives."
She's right of course.
So many times in life, we waste time wishing for what could be, or what was instead of focusing on what is. This is how we miss the lessons we are meant to learn.
As the weather cools off, even here in New Mexico, I find myself thinking about Fall back home...my favorite season. Fresh apple cider, hayrides through the pumpkin patch...trick or treating. But I realize if I spend too much time thinking about what was and what could be, if I spend too much time thinking about the fact that this will be the first time I have not been there to take my kids trick or treating...if I do that, then I get stuck.
I get stuck living not fully here and not fully there, but in that place in my mind where so many of us live. I live in either the past or the future and I miss opportunities right here, right now.
You know, C said to me, "You sound much more grounded, much more centered, I hear more joy in your voice than I did for a long time when you were living here when you were so depressed after losing your job. You sound like the person I fell in love with."
I learned just before I went to the Hoffman Quadrinity Process that the hardest battle I would ever face in this lifetime is with my own mind. The mind is a wonderful tool as long as you use it and don't let it use you.
That's what I'm thinking about today.