My Consciousness Stream Right Now

Tonight I'm missing Layne Redmond and wishing I had a Lotus tambourine to play right now. Nahko's "Great Spirit" brought me to tears...for reasons every human can relate to but only the music therapists and music teachers truly understand...that je ne sais quoi that every musician strives to evoke in others...beyond words, beyond emotion...something that touches the soul...divine energy reaching out and saying "it's okay. I get it." And though I have an amazing wife and beautiful (in every way) children, life is damn frustrating right now. I'm trying to stay out of my own way and all the muck that builds up when we're holding on too tightly to something we want desperately to happen, but my breath is bated. C'mon coach! I'm ready!  I've been trying to work really hard on all the things you said, and I've cleaned up my game lots. Just give me a chance to show you what I can do! Holding on to hope seems to be all that's left. I've been patient, I've been proactive. I faced the music, and even started adding a few new harmonies. "Surrender to what is" they say. Surrender the holding on and what's left? No, really, what's left? Because I don't know any more. I do know my passion continues unabated. If I don't find the right pressure valve for it, I think I'll explode! It's good! It's really good! Just give me that chance. I am forever changed and forever changing. Clarity increases, and yet I miss Layne Redmond. And coyote can be reasonable when you're on the edge. And life can be simple, if we don't grow screwing it up with all of our humanness. We're not always as smart as we think we are. Coyote, the trees, the water...they know. Insane. That's what we are. I do love a well played tambourine though.